Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Sinners all dead, God now killing fat fucks

Well, it's finally happened.

God has finished killing all the homosexuals, fornicators, abortion doctors, secularists, potheads, people who dance the "Lambada", Democrats, video game players, New York City intellectuals, unbaptized children, Teletubbies, ACLU members, rock musicians, unwed mothers, Muslims, and Larry Flynt. Now he's had to move on to killing the Moral Majority.

Surprisingly, this doesn't come in the form of their expected Rapture, but rather in the heart of one giant turd of a man giving out.

Yes, Jerry Falwell is dead and the small minority of self-righteous bigots who used to call themselves the "Moral Majority" are without their founder.

Some might say it's in poor taste (or even immoral) to speak ill of the dead. Even when the dead man in question was a hateful theocrat who set into motion the whole concept of the "Christian Right" in this country.

Those people are douchewads.

This is a man famous for such statements as this one about 9/11:
"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'"

Speaking ill of others was his bread and butter, and it only seems right that his passing be celebrated in the way he lived his life.

So badmouth him with pride! Jerry Falwell was nothing but a waste of human flesh who went out of his way to demonize and alienate anyone whose behavior made him uncomfortable. He hid behind religion in order to bilk the gullible out of their hard earned money. He built up enough ill-gotten gains to fund an empire devoted to making non-Christians second-class citizens (if indeed citizens at all). He somehow got enough power to get most of the Republican politicians in this country suckling at his man-teat for an endorsement. He devoted his days to trying to make life for people like you and me (and the vast majority of Americans) impossible. And he had the fucking nerve to think he was not only "moral", but part of the "majority".

The fat fuck is dead, and I for one am pleased as punch. The world is a better place without him.

Also, extra bonus points for anyone who can guess which candidate in the Republican presidential debate tonight will mention him first (in praise, of course).

My money's on Mitt Romney. He's never met a group he wouldn't pander to, and theocratic bigots are his new bread and butter. I won't be watching, so someone let me know how it turns out.


Abacquer said...

I'm glad Falwell will no longer be able to spout hatred and ignorance. But I'm not glad he's dead.

I'm an atheist and a humanist, and as a humanist, the death of any human is not something I celebrate. Falwell may have been a despicable person, but he still had family and friends, and I'm not going to dance a jig while they suffer the loss of their loved one. I recently lost my father... I wouldn't wish that pain on anybody.

If that makes me a "douchewad" in your opinion, so be it.

The sad thing is, Falwell's demise is not the demise of his agenda. The effects of his unfortunate existence will be with us for some time.

The Unicow said...


I suspect that most people agree with you (including many people I respect, no doubt).

Being thankful someone's dead is taboo, after all. Though for the life of me I can't figure out why it should be. I would have written the exact same things about him before he died, and I see no reason why his death should change what I say about him.

Everyone dies, and it makes little practical difference if he stopped his destructive ways because he had a change of heart (no pun intended) or because he died. Either way, he's done and I'm glad.

His family's mourning I'm quite confident pales in comparison to the pain he's caused countless people with his political actions, and the legacy you correctly mention him leaving.

But as I said, I'm sure most people agree with you on this one.

Abacquer said...

Well a friend of mine summed up his thoughts this way:

My condolences to his friends and family for losing him, and for having him in the first place.


Eric said...

I generally loathe Christopher Hitchens, but this is actually pretty good: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkAPaEMwyKU

The Unicow said...

Agreed on both counts. Hitchens can be annoying as hell, but he's right on the money in that clip.