Gay marriages for everyone!

It's a gay marriage frenzy!

Just a few days ago the Iowa Supreme Court legalized gay marriage in Iowa. Which was nice and all, but results in the same old boring complaints about "activist judges."

The term "activist judges," of course, means any judge who overturns a ruling that conservatives like. Judges who overturn laws that conservatives don't like (like medical marijuana or euthanasia laws) aren't activists, they're just judges. Don't get confused!

So good for Iowa! Still, while adding to the very short list of states that don't treat gays like shit is great, the arguments arising from it are very predictable. It's the same old bullshit we got with Massachusetts, Connecticut, and California.

Booooring!

But Vermont has upped the ante! Not only did they legalize gay marriage, but they did it through the legislature. Hell, they even overturned a veto by the douchey governor to do it!

That's just awesome.

Now there can't be any talk about "activist" anythings. The legislature did it. They were elected by the people, ostensibly to represent those people. Ergo, the people of Vermont have legalized gay marriage.

Which is great, especially since it means that now we'll get new insane arguments from conservatives about how gays are destroying America. The local crazies aren't up in arms yet (they won't be aware of how Vermont is destroying the sanctity of marriage until McMenemy's whiny editorial appears), but there are free-range idiots to make fun of.

Let's see what the new conservative bitching-point is! Here are some comments from the AOL reprint of the AP story.

God will have the final word on this. Vermont might seem like a quaint inland area, but beware, they are not immune to an act of God!

Hmm. That's pretty poor, as far as crazy freakouts go. Saying God will punish them is good, but the "inland area" part is weak. Is God going to somehow turn Vermont into a non-quaint coastal area?

Because that seems like it would mostly punish New Hampshire. And New Hampshire is already feeling pretty uncomfortable, what with Vermont and Massachusetts rubbing up against it all sexy-like.

Here we go again the government overriding the rule of the people. I thought we lived in a democracy, where people vote and the majority rules.

Disqualified for poor reading comprehension, and still using the old arguments! Time to formulate new stupid arguments, dammit!

The only solution to the ECONOMY is to DEPORT all ILLEGALS and bring home the troops from Iraq and put them on the MEXICAN BORDER!!!

Umm... huh.

ill never go to vermont, sick sick sick, and no im not a bible thumping dude, but im not taking it in the back door !!!!!!sick sick

This fellow thinks that legalizing gay marriage means he has to be on the receiving end of anal sex if he sets foot in Vermont.

He will absolutely not masturbate tonight to the thought of visiting Vermont. Seriously. He just won't. Probably.

We are headed downhill as a country. Next we will have polygamy and then people marrying animals. It's just gross thinking about 2 men getting married. So sad what our children of tommorow are facing!

Rick Santorum is now commenting on AOL?

First it was overwhelming support for Barack Obama now it is legalization of gay marriage. My home state of Vermont has become a cess pool of failed liberal ideals.

Failed? Obama won, and gay marriage is legal.

I'm starting to think that commenters on AOL are actually sort of dumb. Won't anyone update their crazy stupid arguments? Must we stick with all the old, boring ones?

How do these "Gays" explain the birds and the bees to there adopted children? What kind of message does this send? Those kids will get so much harassment in school, those are the kids that blow schools up!

Now, that may not be a new crazy argument, but it's a pretty good one!

Gay marriage should be outlawed because adopted children of gay parents (who don't exist unless they can be legally married) will get confused about procreation, which will lead to them getting harassed, which will lead to them BLOWING UP SCHOOLS!

How do you like that, Vermont? Let's see how "gay" you are when all your schools are blown up!

Another loss for the moral beliefs of most Americans every time a gay marriage ban is lifted. It shows how far we have came from our roots of one nation under God. Now it is quickly becoming one nation under Satan.

This counts as crazy, because of Satan. But I don't think it's a new argument, really. Just a really dumb old one. And yeah, the "one nation, under God" part of the pledge of allegiance dates from 1954.

Okay, this isn't working out how I expected. There's a whole lot of crazy, but it's mostly just Christians freaking out about Jesus and equating homosexuality with bestiality, as is their habit. I could only find one clearly new argument in all my looking, and here it is:

HERE IS WHAT'S NEXT: THEY TRY TO TAKE OUR HUMAN BABIES.

That's right, married gays are coming for your human babies. Quick, stuff as many in your mouth as you can!

Hurry, the gays may already be here!

Why you need to vote today

Here's a collection of comments left on the S&E commenting forum by local idiots.

This is the reason you need to vote. Never mind the hope and change and all that. You need to vote because there's a good chance that these people are going to vote. If you don't, they get their say and you don't.

So here are some people whose vote you can feel good about canceling out.

From the S&E's endorsement of Obama:

• "Obama = the next anti christ"
  - by "Friend of Dino"


• "Tea and crumpets for everyone!
  
  President Bush was talking about the terrorists and their sponsors. But he might just as well have been talking about all you hate America morons at home."
  - by "Hate America crowd"


• "You are spinless jelly fish coward! Obama will make a mockery of the principles this great nation was founded on. You've never fought for anything, I can tell by you cowardly attitude. Please stop insulting my brothers in arms, They fought for you and of course you have no thanks or respect. War is the answers in Al Iraq, you would be **** and thrown in a ditch. 40 million liberated and no respect"
  - by "dan leominster"


• "since when is a newspaper that is supposed to be unbiased media coverage supporting anybody in a campaign! It certainly doesn't shock me that this newspaper is doing this, but they will NEVER receive another dime from me. The media is electing our next president...you and I and our votes are quite secondary...just remember it when the sh^t starts flying. Support for any election by a media source isn't what was intended and I'm surprised more isn't being said about it. "
  - by "Bruce W. Marien" (who has apparently never noticed that newspapers offer endorsements at every election and have done so pretty much forever)


• "It will be a sad day next tuesday if the socialist gets elected. The last president that raised taxes during a severe recession directly preceded the great depression and I feel that will happen again if these socialist tax policies are put in place. [...] If this monster is elected nex tuesday, you can change our name to USSA (United Socialist States of America. "
  - by "Fitch Resident"


• "November 4 could usher in a sequence of events that have everything to do with the survival of western civilization. [...] Al Qaeda has a bead on the US and they recognize our vulnerable situation. They realize that our president is paralyzed and our democratic congress will be complicit and even helpful in our own demise. They will be very careful to keep their intentions under wraps until after Nov 4. Their dream scenario will be Obama in the White House, as CINC and the reelection of a surrender-first congress. They know that a major attack on US interests before the election will virtually assure McCains election and maybe even boot out most of the cowards in the democrat congress, that would not serve them well. Look for an attack after the election and before Bush leaves office. They would love to attack us on Bush’s watch but only after we have safely installed their man in the White house. This attack will probably occur even if McCain is elected but the following scenario will unfold if we elect Obama:"
  - by "Stamos" (who has scary terrorists hiding under his bed)

On an article about children's mock elections:

• "Vote Obama/Palin if you want a clean White America! Let's support the supreme master race above all!"
  - by "Independent Racist"

On a really terrible article about Question 2:

• "Who wrote this question? The Federation of Puerto Rican drug dealers. This is just a front so they can divide their dope into an ounce or less and not get charged with dealing. Behind every weed dealer are harder drugs such as coke and heroin." - by "Concerned Citizen"


• "YOU'RE the moron if you think for a second that ANY Defocrap is going to give a tax BREAK" - by "TTT" (what the fuck is a "Defocrap"?)

I could go on like this for awhile, but won't. Suffice it to say there are a lot of comments as dumb as, or dumber than, these. And the people making these comments are going to vote.

Vote. Or else.