Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Why Does Lisa Wong Hate America?

Sad, sad news today.

It seems that Mayor-Elect Lisa Wong has a problem with the incoherent ramblings old-school comedy stylings of beloved nonagenarian Andy Rooney.

I realize this is deeply troubling, so if you need to take a few moments to collect yourself, please do so now. It gets ugly from here on out.

The story begins a few days ago. Whichever one has the day with Andy Rooney giving his wonderful commentaries. Sunday? Yeah, Sunday.

Anyway, Rooney had the ingenious idea of looking at local newspaper headlines out of context and then complaining that he didn't understand them. Hilarious stuff, and totally original! Nobody ever makes fun of newspaper headlines!

You can view the genius of his performance here (link courtesy of 1970's Abraham Lincoln, the master of all internettery). By all means, do it now! Don't wait!

Did you notice the mention of Wong and Fitchburg? Hey, I know who that is! I also know that she's not a "he," but I'm going to assume that was dementia intentional and was just Andy being too lazy to even read one sentence into the article madcap crazy hilarious like usual! Oh man that guy is funny!

Because old man ranting comedy gold like that is obviously big news, the Sentinel today ran a story about it! Good reporting for once, Sentinel!
Rooney's rant focused on how newspaper headlines are too broad and do not give enough information to readers.

As an example, Rooney held up a headline from the Nov. 7 Boston Globe which read "Wong Claims Win in Fitchburg," and used it as an example of headlines that are vague.

"You don't know if Wong won in Fitchburg or if he just claimed to have won," Rooney said.
Oh man, that's lame funny stuff!

Anyway, the Sentinel went out of its way to interview Wong herself (himself?) about it!
"I think it's great actually that Fitchburg was mentioned in a positive -- if not humorous -- light," Wong said.
Oh no!

Wong is clearly calling the mention "not humorous!" Or maybe she's not, but that's how I'm choosing to interpret it!

That's Andy Rooney, national annoyance treasure you're calling "not humorous," Miss Wong! Which leads me to my question: Why do you hate America?

Also, other stuff might be going on in town. Beats me. This whole Andy Rooney thing has sent me into a deep funk about our mayor-elect's apparent lack of a sense of humor. Also, I had trouble coming up with the headline for this post, and I blame her for that too. Man, it's a dark day in Fitchburg...

Thank you, Sentinel, for your waste of space that could have been spent reporting on something meaningful important article!


yonigre said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReallyRachel said...

Hey Unicow, did you retire?

The Unicow said...


Nope. There's just been very little of interest to write about lately.

I mean, I could talk about how everyone who's expressed interest in being on a charter change committee is a failed candidate for public office.

Or make fun of Chuck Morse's creepy (and not at all homoerotic) obsession with Barney Frank.

Or write a long and insightful post about how Mitt Romney is an idiot and his "faith" speech demonstrates not only his bigotry but an almost total misunderstanding of the principles this country was founded on.

Or snicker at this article about a "pantsless man" smoking crack.

But, umm... I didn't.

I'll write more eventually!

ReallyRachel said...

Yah me too. Totally boring lately. Maybe that's not a bad thing.

Happy Holidays to all and Shalom

fitchburg-shuffle said...

There's something so liberating about smoking crack bare-assed!

This is great news coverage! This is one of those stories that makes the first few pages of the Herald with a column by either Howie Carr or Fitchburg's own Mike Barnacle ripping us with spiteful remarks.

Oh wait, that guy was from Gardner. Fuck em!