Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Is there big news today? Maybe, I dunno. I haven't really looked.

But there is something about today that's of no importance to anyone but me! One year ago today was the day that I got drunk and created Progressive Fitchburg! Happy birthday, blog!

A lot has changed since then, of course. Deval Patrick became governor, the Democrats took Congress, and we actually have some compelling local candidates running for office!

One of the nicest things to have seen over the last year is how many good local blogs have sprung up in that time. It used to pretty much be Save Fitchburg or nothing, but now there's a bunch of stuff worth reading (listed over to the right, go read them!). Whether you agree with any of them or not, it's great to have a variety of voices out there.

To celebrate my year anniversary I'm going to share some statistics about PF readers with you. This data has really only been collected since about last November, but I didn't exactly get a ton of readers back then anyway. Also I'm a bit of a nerd, so if this information is only interesting to me then feel free to ignore it.

Your operating system:
  1. Windows - 86% (89% XP, 6% Windows 2000, 3% Vista)
  2. Macintosh - 12%
  3. Linux - 2% (but much of that is probably me)
Your web browser of choice:
  1. Internet Explorer - 65%
  2. Firefox - 28%
  3. Safari - 6%
  4. Everybody else (Opera, Mozilla, etc) - < 1%
That's pretty dry stuff!

Here's a more interesting bit. What searches have led people to Progressive Fitchburg? The big ones are obvious, but they get more fun the deeper down you get! For some of them, I have no idea how they found me, and even less idea why they clicked the link.

Here are some of my favorites...
  • ron dionne home page fitchburg (139 hits): Looks like Dionne really should have made himself a damn website!
  • fitchburg lisa wong water (12 hits): Refreshing!
  • fitchburg pussy (5 hits): Which I assume led to disappointment...
  • god is killing me! (2 hits): Me too!
  • "gay jesus" (1 hit): Probably also led to disappointment...
  • "respect sanitation workers" (1 hit): I do!
  • 6 asian guys in fitchburg (1 hit): I suspect there are more than that.
  • can you tell me the laws that regulate convicted child molesters? (1 hit): Not unless you stop talking to Google like it's a person.
  • draconian liquor (1 hit): If this isn't already a brand of liquor, it should be!
  • fucking in fitchburg (1 hit): Sex tourism?
  • how do i stop my eyes from getting worse (1 hit): Stop masturbating.
  • how to make large foam cowboy hat (1 hit): Why would you want to?
  • "paul weyrich frankly, goes up as the voter population goes down" (1 hit): What the hell?
  • she works for unicow, boston, ma (1 hit): Whoever searched for that, please tell me who "she" is!
  • tired of white people on tv (1 hit): Me too!
  • who in fitchburg wants to fuck (1 hit): This is a recurring theme...
What a zany bunch of searchers you internet-folks are! I can only wonder what horrors another year may bring.

Anyway, thanks for reading!


Shaun C. said...

Unicow...your pretty damn funny. I really enjoy reading your site, it's something I kind of look forward to reading after lunch, especially if their are new posts. Your sense of humor is pretty similar to mine. It's great to see that someone is writing what everyone thinks, when it comes to the news of the city. Also if you ever run out of materials (which I'm sure you won't be anytime soon), their are a few council and school committee candidates like myself that have websites for you to "critique". I know I really enjoyed reading your comments on candidates' websites. Anyways keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading your next post.

1970s Abraham Lincoln said...

ron dionne home page fitchburg (139 hits): Looks like Dionne really should have made himself a damn website!

I maintain that Time Cube is Ron's campaign site.

The Unicow said...


Yeah, I've been meaning to get around to the city council candidates' sites at some point. Also, you know, talking about you guys more. But man am I lazy!

70s Lincoln,

Holy crap man. I think that broke my brain. Also, your site actually is the #1 result for that search now!

ReallyRachel said...

Happy anniversary. What did we ever do for laughs before you came along jabbing at everyone! Great reading. I go to sleep laughing regularly.

The Unicow said...


Glad I can make you laugh, and sorry about putting you to sleep.

fitchburg-shuffle said...

Happy Birthday!

There must be a top ten related to things in Fitchburg that have been created/done/achieved while one is under the influence.

I know I did at least ten fun things while wasted in the 'burg but I can't remember any of them. I'm sure I never created a blog. I may have commented once or twice though!

Keep up the good work. Everyone drinks Jaegarbombs on their birthday in Fitchburg! Good luck!

ReallyRachel said...

fitchburg-shuffle, easy with the drinking references. You're giving me a bad name! :-)

What the dickens is a Jaegarbomb?

Now a Black and Tan, I know!


the bartender said...

Rachel, a Jagerbomb is a shot of Jagermeister dropped into energy drink (usually red bull) and drank down quickly. Perhaps you remember boilermakers (whiskey dropped into beer)? Very similar.

I believe the classic birthday shot is a blow job, sans hands. Although the three wise men is extremely popular for 21st birthdays.

All of this is moot, anyway, since this is a 1st birthday, not a 21st.

Moo cow, hope you are around for the 21st!

ReallyRachel said...


Thanks for the definition.

I do remember classmates singing the praises of the boilermaker. Alas, my destiny was that of designated driver!

We also serve who sit and wait ... and take the keys!


fitchburg-shuffle said...


Three wise men is one of the worst things that you can do to someone on their 21st b-day! Needless to say, I bought all of my friends one when it was their turn.

Jaegarbombs are the new "liquid crack". Us in the late 30's/early 40's crowd like to torture our friends with this stuff now.

Ever try a "Cleghorn Car Bomb"? Along the same idea as the Irish version with cheap vodka dropped into a glass of the cheapest draft beer available. Guarenteed to make your victim puke within seconds!

I'm so immature!

ReallyRachel said...


Shaun C. said...

Rachel...Black and Tan, your definetly up my aisle with that, Bass and Guiness together, such great beers that come together to become a perfect taste. Although I must admit I just got back from London and the beers over there are just so much better than anything over here. Bishops Finger is so far the best of them all over there.

Also on the subject on bombs, Irish car bombs are personally my favorite, usually a Hooligan's must for me.

Cheers Mates!!

stah said...

I'm a big fan of any of the Wachusett beers. The Green Monsta must be tried. It's only available by the growler at the brewery or on tap. I know Slats and the Boulder have it. It's the beer that eats like a meal!

ReallyRachel said...

Are there any microbreweries in Fitchburg? Or do we have funky state laws prohibiting them? They're huge in Colorado, big draw for the 21-40 crowd. The restaurants with microbreweries can get away with much higher prices because of the draw to their house brand.

The Unicow said...

I first had Green Monsta just after it came out, before I realized it had roughly double the alcohol content of most beer. Not sure quite how many I had... Details are fuzzy...

Definitely a good beer, it just requires some caution or you wake up the next morning wanting to die.

Rachel, the Z Street brewery used to be on Airport Rd, though they've moved. I find their stuff to range between pretty good and totally disgusting.

stah said...

I agree with Unicow on Z-Street. I couldn't have described their beer any better. They used to have beer tastings every Saturday afternoon where they would feature the "beer of the week". Some of those tastings got a bit ugly.

As far as the selection of shots that have been mentioned, I have the following review:

Jaegarbombs: Yummy! Watch yourself with these things! Only do more than one if you are in a safe environment and have no plans for the following day.

Three wise men: One of the cruelest things that you can do to someone! Needless to say, I bought one for each friend who was celebrating their 21st birthday. That's the only time that shot is acceptable. Nobody buys this shot for themselves!

Irish Car Bomb: Good if you like Guinness.

Cleghorn Car Bomb: F-S, you must drink @ Partners Pub! That's one of Meesh's old creations. Also acceptable for someone's 21st b-day.

fitchburg-shuffle said...

I miss Meesho! Stah, as one of his old roommates, I'm sure you created this shot at your old Clarendon St. pad!

stah said...


You've been to either one of the old Clarendon St. spots? Drop me an e-mail if you wish to share your identity. So many people came through those places that you've joined a cast of thousands!

I promise you that I had nothing to do with the creation of that concoction! The mention of that crap makes me sick!

Erica said...

Z Street was a real loss for us. I agree that some of the offerings weren't the best, but nothing beat the "Mounds Bar" they served up at their on-site parties - a combo of the Mocha Java and a coconut brew that never made it to stores. You can still find the Mocha Java and some other offerings (including the Fitchburg-themed Rollstone Red) in local liquor stores, but they don't taste the same. The Z Street founder was losing money trying to run the brewery and sold the recipes to a Lowell company, if I remember correctly.

Anyway, congrats on the anniversary Unicow, keep up the great work!

1970s Abraham Lincoln said...

Mocha Java was the only Z-Street beer I tried, and it was undrinkable. Wachusett makes much better beer.

The Unicow said...

I agree with Lincoln about the Mocha Java. I literally couldn't drink it past a couple of gross sips. On the other hand, I don't like coffee or chocolate, so I'm not sure why I even bothered trying it.

The Rollstone Red is probably my favorite of the Z-Street beers I've tried, but the bad ones tend to scare me away from trying new ones too often. Wachusett does tend to be more consistently good, though I can get a bit bored with them.

On a side note, I love that one of the longest comment threads in recent memory has been on the topic of alcohol. Who says we don't need more "wine bars"?

Jerkasses, that's who!

ReallyRachel said...

Oh great one horned wonder, what did you just call me? :-) You're just a unicow because you don't have two horns.

I'll concede the balance of some upscale and fun imbibing establishments for some productive daytime commerce downtown.

Partying all the time gets old - and expensive!

But that's for another string, another day. We're still celebrating your boitday. And remember I was the one who suggested some good microbreweries. Sounds like we need some remarkable ones here.


The Unicow said...


I wasn't actually calling you anything, Rachel. At least not intentionally. I was thinking about this article where Donnelly criticized "wine bars."

I can call you a jerkass too if you really want. Jerkass.

The Unicow said...

Also, partying all the time does not get old. I didn't start drinking until I was 28, and I'm making up for lost time dammit!

ReallyRachel said...

Ok call me a jerkass too. I've been called worse .... I'd love you even if you were the BiCow. :-)

I think of the cities I've seen that have revitalized (or built from scratch) a unique downtown. A few really hot bars and or restaurant/bars do/did very well with a mixture of daytime businesses that then attracted a leisurely lunch or late afternoon crowd.

Someone on SF brought up one of my favorite places, Boulder CO, with it's (small but fun) 20-slalom kayaking reservoir on Boulder Creek (lots of whitewater nearby), and with the University of Colorado being right downtown plus the younger and more affluent Boulder demographic (and AmGen, BMI, etc there....), that kind of urban/outdoor funk works.

I think of Pensacola that had the trashiest unsafe downtown in Florida until they poured themselves into restoration and downtown revitalization. It's a mixture now of artsy fartsy, great restaurants with jazz bars etc near the symphony hall and art gallery (pretty classy symphony by the way, something we could think about), and lots of classy boutiques, antique shops, Rosie O'Grady's (you youngsters would love it like I did at your age)....

But the common denominator among these and many places is that there are enough bars to be really crowded and fun on most nights, and the daytime businesses not only thrive, but bring people into the area and drive business into the restaurants and bars. It's busy all the time in those areas, not just at night.

This in turn has generated some of the priciest and most desirable condos and townhomes in their whole areas because downtown has become "the" place to be.

We could do that here. But I don't think we'll do it with bars, Unicow. Kids grow up eventually, people move on to the next more popular bar. But communities built around a prosperous downtown support and grow all the businesses there - bars included.

So, I'm not anti-bar. We need all the other stuff that will keep our current upstanding alcohol proprietors in business. The rest of them can go pound sand though.


JustSayNoToDeSalvo said...

Unicow, are you running Konqueror?

Big congrats on your anniversary. If my raison d'etre fades into the sunset hopefully I won't see a first anniversary!

stah said...

Speaking of microbreweries, check out Portland, Me. The old port has some great spots with awesome "festivals". A few weeks ago I saw George Clinton and P-Funk up there. I highly recomend Geary's Ale.

Sunday River has a great spot there too. You sit in a rustic bar that seems to have been built around the brew kettles. After skiing "White Heat", you can drink the aptly named brew down the street. Very similar to Sam Adams White Lager.

As far as Boulder Co., my sister brought me back a six pack of some local brew with a bike on the label. Not bad.

My tastes have come a long way from those college days with the keg-o-rator filled with Corrs Light. You couldn't argue with $39 a keg. No wonder we went through so many. Do you remember that fitchburg-shuffle?

The Unicow said...

Unicow, are you running Konqueror?

Once in awhile. Mostly Firefox though.

Konqueror's okay, but it doesn't have the depth of nice plugins you can get for Firefox.

Howdy's said...

The beer with the bike is Fat Tire, Brewed and bottled in Ft Collins. Great stuff.

Has anyone tried the Gardner Ale House? This is the kind of place Rachel is asking about for Fitchburg. Just like Rock Bottom Brewery in downtown Denver.

fitchburg-shuffle said...

I remember the old fridge with a tap, the skeeball machine, the cave, and Scotty Babneau rocking out with lots of hot college girls dancing. Fun place!

1970s Abraham Lincoln said...

I think of Pensacola that had the trashiest unsafe downtown in Florida until they poured themselves into restoration and downtown revitalization. It's a mixture now of artsy fartsy, great restaurants with jazz bars etc near the symphony hall and art gallery (pretty classy symphony by the way, something we could think about), and lots of classy boutiques, antique shops, Rosie O'Grady's (you youngsters would love it like I did at your age)....

I dunno, Rachel - Rosie O'Grady's is where the local girls go to become Navy wives. I don't think bleached blond hair or pre-melanoma tans would suit us all that well.

ReallyRachel said...

70s abe wrote ... "I dunno, Rachel - Rosie O'Grady's is where the local girls go to become Navy wives. I don't think bleached blond hair or pre-melanoma tans would suit us all that well."

Funny! Actually from my perspective, a meat market is a meat market....

Most of those blondes, by the way, are natural. One of those genetic things in the South... and sunblock is IN STYLE these days!


stah said...

I wish I used sunblock during the primary!


You caught a Scotty show at 177? Those were the best parties ever! I miss college and my old Whalom era skeeball machine.

Now I'm convinced that the conspiracy theorists are wrong. You are not Rachel!

ReallyRachel said...

stah wrote ... "Now I'm convinced that the conspiracy theorists are wrong. You are not Rachel!"

Are you sure? I'm disappointed. I was discovering a whole new side of me.



ReallyRachel said...

I'm really bummed stah.

Next you'll tell me I didn't singlehandedly lose the primary for that guy .... you know, whatzhisname who no longer attends city council meetings.

Way to go Sox!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shalom again

stah said...

Sorry Rachel, you needed to grow up here to understand.

Nowoco said...

wow, happy birthday unicow. I'm so glad you're out there because the more of us writing, the more opinions get aired. And no, I'm not anyone but Mr. Follies. Drink up gang.

stah said...

Speaking of drinking, the Boulder is hosting a block party today from 12-8. The street will be blocked off and two local bands will play. If you attended FSC during any part of the 90's, you saw Andromeda Taxi, early 90's, and New Pond Fondle, late 90's.

Babs and Bujold have been cooking German food since Friday, and the Wachusett Brewery will be there. The also have three huge plasma's to watch the Pats/Dallas game @ 4:30. This promises to be fun, the last chance to enjoy decent weather, so I highly recomend it.

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