Thursday, October 25, 2007

Monster Truck Martini Rally!

Last evening I had the fortune of visiting Cafe DeStare on Main Street. It's quite nice! The super-talented "Scott Beddia Trio" (oddly composed of five people) was playing, the Red Sox game was on, there were sexy ladies, it was a nice place!

It's also the place that Lisa Wong praised as bringing some new life to Main St. in that fluffy Globe article about her.

Donnelly, of course, doesn't seem to care for it, and was quoted in the article as saying this:
"All this vision of wine bars is very cute, but that's not going to be the salvation of the city."

Okay, I agree, bars are not "the salvation of the city," even if they're nice like this one. Still, the rest of that article suggests that Donnelly is opposed to "wine bars" like DeStare (though actually it's a martini bar, but whatever).

So why was he (and his wife, and his very fetching daughter, and probably some sons or something, and maybe someone else associated with him) there last night?

More importantly, what the fuck is up with his giant monster truck that was illegally parked across the street from the bar? Witness the crappy cell-phone photo of it!

That's probably the best picture I could get of it. You can't make it out in the photo, but the back end (above the rear wheel) says something like "The Mad Fisherman," which is frankly quite confusing. Should I start calling Donnelly "The Mad Fisherman" now?

That's a rhetorical question. Of course I'm going to start calling him that!

A friend who saw the truck on a separate occasion (today, apparently) described it like this: "It’s like a bad campaign idea and a mid-life crisis rolled into one." That's possibly the most perfect description ever!

Here's another bad picture of the Mad Fisherman-mobile!

In this picture you can actually see the red DeStare sign across the street. Plus you can see the minivan-thing also illegally parked behind it (though it's dwarfed by Donnelly's overcompensation-mobile).

You see, the Mad Fisherman himself didn't appear to drive the bigass truck. That job must have been taken by one of his sharply-dressed followers. I'm not positive, but I suspect the minivan thing was his. Because, you know, it's like 60 feet from that spot to a giant free parking lot and that's too far for an important mayoral candidate to walk!

Anyway, Donnelly didn't really interact with anyone in the bar that he didn't already know. Which seems to be par for the course with the guy. On the other hand, neither did I!

But I'm not running for mayor.

Regardless, I look forward to Donnelly's new campaign slogan: "The Mad Fisherman will kick your ass into fiscal solvency with his bitchin' monster truck! Fuck yeah!!!"

I'd also like to thank him for making himself so easy to ridicule. Thanks Tom!


fitchburg-shuffle said...

I drove by and saw that thing.

I'd be more impressed if Tom jumped into the truck, drove over a collection of souped-up Mazdas and Hondas, complete with the 3 foot spoilers, while laying on the horn, which would sound like the General Lee!

That would win my vote!

The Unicow said...

Holy crap man, that would win everybody's vote.

He should do it!

fitchburg-shuffle said...

On a related topic, any ladies kickin' the Daisy Dukes down at Destare?

Always a nice place to view eye candy!

Sara M said...

I was driving behind that monster today as I went through downtown. Not a fun experience. Interesting thing I noticed: the plates are from Maine.
I also heard the Donnelly sat outside the Lisa Wong fundraiser event in that thing. Classy...

1970s Abraham Lincoln said...

According to a leaked internal campaign document, the truck is actually the cornerstone of Tom's plan to renew Fitchburg:

"1. As mayor, Tom will be seated in the truck [heretofore known as "DONNELLY-TRON"] during all city council meetings. Councilors must address DONNELLY-TRON directly. If the councilors try any shenanagins[sic], DONNELLY-TRON will rev its engines and/or honk intimidatingly. The revving and/or honking may last for the duration of any councilor's remarks, or until such time as they straighten up.

2. Visiting dignitaries and investors may ride as passengers in DONNELLY-TRON, provided they do not exceed the gross vehicle weight or maximum vehicle occupancy.

3. Each year, a portion of the city's budget (2.5%) will be allocated to DONNELLY-TRON. This will be based on the recommendations of an as-yet-to-be-assembled panel of financial advisors, businessmen and consultants, all of whom will report to DONNELLY-TRON.

4. As DONNELLY-TRON becomes bigger, some residents may become alarmed.

5. The mayor's parking space will be enlarged to accommodate DONNELLY-TRON, as often as is necessary. DONNELLY-TRON will be affixed with an array of antennas and monitoring devices which will both allow DONNELLY-TRON to respond to threats or emergencies and to look extremely professional.

6. Layoffs may be delegated to DONNELLY-TRON to preserve personal relationships with city employees, i.e. 'If it were up to me, we'd be adding to your department, but DONNELLY-TRON just won't listen...'

7. If through some grievous and unlikely circumstance Tom is not re-elected to the office of mayor, DONNELLY-TRON will remain in Tom's custody 'forever and ever and ever'."

The Unicow said...

Best comment ever!

Erica said...

My husband made the disturbing observation that DONNELLY-TRON cost more than $50K (approaching $90K depending on options) and dwarfs a frickin Hummer.

Guess it's not the cheap-ass POS I assumed looking at the tacky photos. Tom probably got it basically for free by using business tax write-offs, but those payments will be a bitch for the city to assume when he takes office. 1970s abraham lincoln, I think you misplaced a decimal point regarding the percentage of the city budget to be allocated to DONNELLY-TRON in item #3.

1970s Abraham Lincoln said...

There was a tax loophole for a number of years that allowed business owners to write off vehicles over a certain gross vehicle weight. It was intended to help farmers (since farm equipment is expensive), but as tastes started to drift toward larger and larger trucks and SUVs, enterprising accountants realized that they could write off big trucks for their corporate clients, or at least those with small penises. I'm pretty sure the loophole was closed last year, but I could be wrong.

Anyway, as much as I like the idea that Donnelly bought the truck in a fit of midlife/election crisis, in reality it's probably a loaner from a friend.

JustSayNoToDeSalvo said...

Thanks for the chuckle, Abe.

Speaking of public officials and vehicles, since he is STILL an elected official drawing a paycheck from the taxpayers, despite his apparent retirement from serving as a city councilor or showing up to meetings, just exactly where did the unemployed Ward 4 councilor get the dough for the new deep ride with the shiny wheels?

And what's with the No Trespassing signs all over the yard? Who would want to set foot in that hazardous waste dump?

Any bets on how soon the current Ward 4 councilor will be declaring bankruptcy, letting the demolished house go back to the bank and skipping town?

At least good ole Tom will be sticking around for us to pick on after the election. Ooops, not an elected official. Guess we'll thank him for the memories and give him a break.

Actually, let's all give Tom his due. Without him this would have been a DeSalvo - Wong race and we might have seen nasty stuff we don't even want to think about.

See, things are better already.


fitchburg-shuffle said...

Tom doesn't deserve the crap that the current Ward councilor does.

He's still our councilor, right? I thought there may be a mute button attached to the microphone in chambers. Too bad that mute button wasn't attached sooner, like 18 months ago!

ReallyRachel said...

fitchburg-shuffle wrote: "Tom doesn't deserve the crap that the current Ward councilor does.
He's still our councilor, right?"

In name only. Too bad it's too late to launch a recall petition and get some of our money back. Two more months of paying his stipend for no representation. Oh well, two years, what's that, $18,000 of our taxpayers money down that toilet.

Anyone notice (courtesy of Save Fitchburg and the Pride) that said individual former mayoral candidate failed to file the mandated financial report?

Maybe he couldn't figure out which column to put the new deep ride in.

Or maybe he's been too busy trying to identify posters on the various blogs. HINT: Look for "ReallyRachel" in blue letters.

She's B-A-C-K! Trick or treat.