Fitchburg Needs Hero Ted?

Yesterday there was an article in the Telegram about Ted DeSalvatore. Part of their candidate profiling thingy. It was called Campaign tackles crime, property values, ‘perks’ and was crazy hilarious!

Just look at the opening:

Ted E. DeSalvatore says he came to the city because he was looking for a place that needed him.

Oh my. Ted, your ego is remarkable. Perhaps there is a place that needs you, but I'm pretty sure it's not Fitchburg. Maybe you could go to Iraq? They can use all the help they can get. And they have "thugs"!

Moving on, the article gives his background, including his imaginary job that I discussed already. So let's just skip that bit and move forward to some crazy-ass logic!

The Back Streets Association, which he formed, was his attempt to create a grass-roots organization that would unite residents against the “thugs.” However he said that when people criticized the organization as being a front for his aspirations for mayor, he disbanded it so volunteers could continue their work unfettered from his reputation.

Umm... that doesn't make any sense.

I'll admit right now that I don't know that much about the history of the Back Streets Association. I know he founded it with Clark Patterson (his campaign manager), and the claims about the BSA being a front for his mayoral aspirations can be found here. To quote from there:

[DeSalvatore] stated, as though I already was aware (which I had not been), that the purpose of the Back Streets Association was to form a "grassroots group" that would endorse him for mayor "when the time is right." I told DeSalvatore that that is a specifically prohibited purpose of a 501(c)3 organization, and he stated that "I will bow out and turn it over to the directors and just stay in the background."

Hmm...

Perhaps this is just an artifact of the reporting style, but focus on the statement in the article: "he said that when people criticized the organization as being a front for his aspirations for mayor, he disbanded it so volunteers could continue their work unfettered from his reputation."

Notice anything funny? I did! He never said it wasn't a front for his aspirations for mayor! Isn't that the sort of claim you'd want to debunk? Unless you couldn't debunk it, because it was true and you stupidly went around telling people as much.

Even stranger is this concept of disbanding a group "so volunteers could continue their work unfettered from his reputation". What the fuck?

Let's say you're involved in an organization you really believe in, with important volunteer work to do. Then let's say you're sort of a jackass and cause trouble for the group because your reputation is so bad. What do you do?

A sane person would recognize they're hurting the cause and personally leave the organization. They would not disband the organization! A disbanded organization doesn't continue its work! It's disbanded!

Oh, but if the organization is secretly a front group for your mayoral campaign that doesn't work. Because they don't have anything to do if you quit. So disbanding makes sense in that case.

Enough of that, let's move on:

He said clean streets and safe neighborhoods around the downtown will likely mean a change in demographics for the area.

“If it happens, I’m successful … I’d be a hero,” he said about gentrification. “People will have to move where they can find lower-cost housing.”

Ted, you make it too easy. The last panel of my old crappy political cartoon was supposed to be satire, not a disturbingly accurate representation of how you think of yourself!

I loved that the reporter used the word "gentrification". It has almost universally negative connotations, and DeSalvatore is under the delusion that people will praise him if he achieves it!

It's bad enough that he basically wants to eliminate any minorities or poorer members of the community, but to think he'd be a hero for it is just ridiculous. The town is 15% Latino, generally not a population that's crazy about the idea of gentrification.

Humorously, DeSalvatore also gives his reason for moving here as being "It was what we could afford." So if he were successful in gentrifying the town I suppose he'd have to move out of it. Certainly if it had been that way when he was looking for a place to live we wouldn't have to deal with his bullshit now. Not that I support gentrification at all, I'm just saying maybe there's one upside.

One last bit, about moving social services off Main St and into his imaginary community center that he's never provided specifics about and probably doesn't really intend to do:

“We have to care,” he said. “I can’t fix people. But I want to help.”

Oh my god, he wants to neuter people!

Anyway, the guy's a nut. Primary election, hurry up!

An Answer! Ted's Unemployed! And a Liar!

Okay, wait a second. Before you start thinking I got a response to my email to Ted DeSalvatore asking what his job is, I didn't.

But there's an article on him in the Telegram, and the reporter sort of almost kinda did!

To quote:

He has owned a home remodeling business, video transfer operation and computer technician service. Currently, he’s taking a break from teaching computer repair at the Peterson School in Woburn to focus on running for mayor.

See, he's not unemployed, he's just "taking a break... to focus on running for mayor." It makes perfect sense!

Oh wait...

The Peterson School hasn't offered computer repair courses since December of 2005. But as I noted at the time, Ted formed his "exploratory committee" to look into running for mayor in February of 2007.

For those of you bad at math, that's roughly fourteen months after he would have last been teaching at the Peterson School.

Doubt me? Well, let's just look at archive.org and see the old course schedules!

First, though, have a gander at the current course schedule (Google cached because the site is unresponsive at the moment). See any computer courses at all? Nope, me neither.

To the wayback machine!

Here's how the schedule looked on April 6, 2005. It does have a "Computer Service and Support Technician Including A+ Certification Prep" course listed. It even links to this page which in turn links to this PDF, which is the source of that horrifying mustache photo I've used in the past. So there's Ted, back in 2005.

Funny thing though...

If we go forward to May 13, 2006 we find a couple computer courses listed, but this time we find "No class offered at this location" for them. See?
Incidentally, that top link points back to the same old mustachioed page from 2005. It wasn't updated for 2006.

By April of 2007 the course is totally delisted, and obviously remains that way. So yeah, he hasn't been teaching since 2005.

That's a hell of a long time to "focus on running for mayor"! Fourteen months by my count prior to even forming an exploratory committee.

Also, if you'll recall, Ted's website still says:

Teacher of computer related courses: For the last eight years, Ted has taught computer service & networking courses in area colleges and private schools.

That very clearly suggests he's currently employed in that field. Or at least that he was employed in it very recently. A year and a half of unemployment makes you a "former teacher", not a "teacher". For that matter, was he even in this area for the last eight years?

No, he wasn't.

I don't even care that much that the guy's unemployed (if he can honestly live off his wife's income then good for him). His dilettante-ish employment history looks pretty bad though. And generally speaking, I'd rather have someone in office who's demonstrated a work ethic and stuff like that.

But when you get down to it, my real problem is that he's a huge fucking liar.



P.S. The rest of what Ted says in the Telegram article is also highly mock-worthy. But this is my second post this morning and if I don't get some work done I'm going to end up unemployed just like Ted. Someone out there please pick up my slack.

So, What's DeSalvatore's Job?

It's mystery time!

If we look at Ted DeSalvatore's website we find a lot of mysterious empty spaces in his employment history. Fine, no problem. What's past is past. We also find this statement:

For the last eight years, Ted has taught computer service & networking courses in area colleges and private schools. Ted is certified in the state of Massachusetts to teach computer related courses and has been hired to save failing courses and curriculum in "drop-in, take-charge environments." Ted has headed course development & classroom design which include, advanced curriculums. As a teacher and Director of Computer training, he has created advertising campaigns and was the lead agent in the direct marketing of those courses.

Well, that's a job. Right?

Yeah, if it exists. Oddly, DeSalvatore doesn't bother to tell us where the hell he supposedly teaches.

Maybe it's Monty Tech! I heard he taught there at one point! Sure, it doesn't really qualify as a "college" or "private school", but it's worth a shot!

Hmm, he's not in the night catalog. The website is pretty bad, so I couldn't dig up the day courses, but let's assume he doesn't appear there either.

Area colleges, eh? Mount Wachusett Community College is one of them! Drat, doesn't show up there either.

Fitchburg State? Yow, that's a bigass course catalog! Not one mention of DeSalvatore though.

But wait! A Progressive Fitchburg Operative has sent me something!

(Click on these for full-size)
Just for kicks, let's enlarge one part of that first page...Holy crap that's quite a mustache! Also, it's definitely Ted! Teaching an A+ certification course and apparently threatening to shoot a motherboard with his finger-gun!

For those of you who aren't familiar with IT certifications, an A+ certification basically means that you know the difference between a CD tray and a drink holder. If you've used a computer for more than a few years you can probably pass it yourself. Still, it's evidence that at one point he did teach something!

Of course, these images date from the Winter 2005 semester. Which I'm told is the last semester the Peterson School actually offered computer courses. Drat! It's another dead end!

I've checked a few other sources, but results are inconclusive. Suffice it to say that if the guy still has a teaching job, I can't figure out where the fuck it is. That's not to say he absolutely doesn't have a job doing such, but I can't find it.

As such, I sent Mr. DeSalvatore an email asking him to let me know where he teaches. Here it is in its entirety:

Dear Mr. DeSalvatore,

Your website doesn't specify. Could you please tell me where it is that you do your computer-related teaching?

Thanks very much!

Best Wishes,
The Unicow

I got a speedy response from a bot saying "We will be contacting you soon unless a response hasn’t been indicated." Sweet! Soon we will have an answer, and the mystery will be solved.

Stay tuned!