Friday, April 17, 2009

CRITICAL BREAKING NEWS!

There is BREAKING NEWS in the Sentinel!


Yes, Britney Spears' house has been... trespassed... against(?). We must follow this story, as it is perhaps the most important news item of our lifetimes!

Here's the news, which I reiterate is very important.
Miranda Tozier-Robbins, 26, a longtime former Fitchburg resident, said she knew going onto pop star Britney Spears' Los Angeles County property was illegal, but she did it anyway.

"I went in through the back yard, to the gate, it was unlocked and open already," said Tozier-Robbins. "I was just sort of like on cloud nine being in Britney Spears' backyard."

Security personnel on Spears' property quickly found Tozier-Robbins and LA Sheriff's deputies arrested her and charged her with trespassing and disorderly conduct.

[blah blah blah pointless nonsense]

*See Saturday's edition of the Sentinel & Enterprise for complete coverage.*
That's not enough information! I must know more about the home of this talentless crime against music! Is it ok? Were flowers trampled? Was the grass stayed-off-of?

Luckily, they'll fill us in on all the details tomorrow.

But... hold on... oh my god!


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

GODDAMN YOU, MCMENEMY! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO HIDE???