Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Gay marriages for everyone!

It's a gay marriage frenzy!

Just a few days ago the Iowa Supreme Court legalized gay marriage in Iowa. Which was nice and all, but results in the same old boring complaints about "activist judges."

The term "activist judges," of course, means any judge who overturns a ruling that conservatives like. Judges who overturn laws that conservatives don't like (like medical marijuana or euthanasia laws) aren't activists, they're just judges. Don't get confused!

So good for Iowa! Still, while adding to the very short list of states that don't treat gays like shit is great, the arguments arising from it are very predictable. It's the same old bullshit we got with Massachusetts, Connecticut, and California.


But Vermont has upped the ante! Not only did they legalize gay marriage, but they did it through the legislature. Hell, they even overturned a veto by the douchey governor to do it!

That's just awesome.

Now there can't be any talk about "activist" anythings. The legislature did it. They were elected by the people, ostensibly to represent those people. Ergo, the people of Vermont have legalized gay marriage.

Which is great, especially since it means that now we'll get new insane arguments from conservatives about how gays are destroying America. The local crazies aren't up in arms yet (they won't be aware of how Vermont is destroying the sanctity of marriage until McMenemy's whiny editorial appears), but there are free-range idiots to make fun of.

Let's see what the new conservative bitching-point is! Here are some comments from the AOL reprint of the AP story.
God will have the final word on this. Vermont might seem like a quaint inland area, but beware, they are not immune to an act of God!
Hmm. That's pretty poor, as far as crazy freakouts go. Saying God will punish them is good, but the "inland area" part is weak. Is God going to somehow turn Vermont into a non-quaint coastal area?

Because that seems like it would mostly punish New Hampshire. And New Hampshire is already feeling pretty uncomfortable, what with Vermont and Massachusetts rubbing up against it all sexy-like.
Here we go again the government overriding the rule of the people. I thought we lived in a democracy, where people vote and the majority rules.
Disqualified for poor reading comprehension, and still using the old arguments! Time to formulate new stupid arguments, dammit!
The only solution to the ECONOMY is to DEPORT all ILLEGALS and bring home the troops from Iraq and put them on the MEXICAN BORDER!!!
Umm... huh.
ill never go to vermont, sick sick sick, and no im not a bible thumping dude, but im not taking it in the back door !!!!!!sick sick
This fellow thinks that legalizing gay marriage means he has to be on the receiving end of anal sex if he sets foot in Vermont.

He will absolutely not masturbate tonight to the thought of visiting Vermont. Seriously. He just won't. Probably.
We are headed downhill as a country. Next we will have polygamy and then people marrying animals. It's just gross thinking about 2 men getting married. So sad what our children of tommorow are facing!
Rick Santorum is now commenting on AOL?
First it was overwhelming support for Barack Obama now it is legalization of gay marriage. My home state of Vermont has become a cess pool of failed liberal ideals.
Failed? Obama won, and gay marriage is legal.

I'm starting to think that commenters on AOL are actually sort of dumb. Won't anyone update their crazy stupid arguments? Must we stick with all the old, boring ones?
How do these "Gays" explain the birds and the bees to there adopted children? What kind of message does this send? Those kids will get so much harassment in school, those are the kids that blow schools up!
Now, that may not be a new crazy argument, but it's a pretty good one!

Gay marriage should be outlawed because adopted children of gay parents (who don't exist unless they can be legally married) will get confused about procreation, which will lead to them getting harassed, which will lead to them BLOWING UP SCHOOLS!

How do you like that, Vermont? Let's see how "gay" you are when all your schools are blown up!
Another loss for the moral beliefs of most Americans every time a gay marriage ban is lifted. It shows how far we have came from our roots of one nation under God. Now it is quickly becoming one nation under Satan.
This counts as crazy, because of Satan. But I don't think it's a new argument, really. Just a really dumb old one. And yeah, the "one nation, under God" part of the pledge of allegiance dates from 1954.

Okay, this isn't working out how I expected. There's a whole lot of crazy, but it's mostly just Christians freaking out about Jesus and equating homosexuality with bestiality, as is their habit. I could only find one clearly new argument in all my looking, and here it is:
That's right, married gays are coming for your human babies. Quick, stuff as many in your mouth as you can!

Hurry, the gays may already be here!