Signs Point to Evil Cult of Lizard People Targeting DeSalvatore!

I woke up this morning wondering if anything newsworthy has happened lately in local politics. Perhaps there had been some unpleasant revelations about mayoral candidates or something. So, obviously I went to the Sentinel & Enterprise website to find out.

Oh my god, there's a giant DeSalvatore ad on the front page! Also, a really stupid article about how he thinks fairies and goblins are stealing his magic beans people are stealing his campaign signs and his dog is telling him what to do the DPW is unfairly taking his illegally-placed signs down.

To wit:

Mayoral candidate Ted DeSalvatore said about 150 of his signs have been torn down or vandalized in what he believes is an unfair attack by the city and detractors of his campaign.

"There is a small group of individuals who are concerned about losing a particular type of control they have within the city and I represent someone who they don't like," DeSalvatore said. "I don't know who they are or what their motivation is, but I know there are people who have gone out of their way to vandalize my signs."

Wrap your head around that for a second.

First he says there's a "small group of individuals" involved, then he says he doesn't know who's responsible. First he says they're concerned about losing some sort of control, then he says he doesn't know what their motivation is.

What the fuck? You can't say something in one sentence and then directly contradict it in the very next one! If you don't know, just say you fucking don't know! Don't make paranoid shit up and then try to throw a disclaimer on the end! Argh!

Not only that, but what's the deal with the Illuminati this group of made-up conspirators? Who the hell is "concerned about losing a particular type of control they have within the city"? That just sounds extra crazy and paranoid.

Most of the people I know who oppose Ted have no power in the city. Then again, they're also not out there tearing down signs. Maybe the Mothman whoever is tearing down the signs doesn't even care about Ted. Maybe they're just sick of seeing so many fucking signs everywhere. Or maybe, you know, Ted has alienated so many people that people just can't help themselves.

I found this quote interesting too:

"There's a small but effective group that has been working to keep me specifically out (of the campaign) because I'm not part of the system," said DeSalvatore, who has only been a councilor for two years.

Not sure who this refers to. Maybe I'm one of them! If so, I'm glad to know I'm effective! Now, I've never torn down a single sign. Nor do I know anyone else who has. But whatever.

Of course, the people who oppose Ted (by no means a small group, but rather just a large part of the population) don't do it because he's "not part of the system." For one thing, he's a fucking city councilor! He's absolutely part of the system, and the system sucks.

Rather, most people oppose him because he suffers from paranoid delusions, alienates everyone he comes in contact with, would destroy the town if he were elected, leads racially-charged marches, hurls racial epithets, bullies disabled veterans, and many, many other reasons.

Another fun bit:

Patterson said the DeSalvatore campaign has produced about 700 signs so far and DeSalvatore said about 150 of the signs have been taken down.

Not all of the DeSalvatore signs were vandalized. The councilor said about 40 of the signs were taken down by Department of Public Works officials.

DPW Commissioner Denis Meunier said city officials will collect any sign or poster that's posted in violation of the city code.

Holy crap that's a lot of signs. But extra holy crap that's forty signs he placed illegally!

I could understand one or two. People make mistakes, boundaries may be unclear, etc. With 700 signs, maybe I could even understand ten being placed badly. But forty? That's not a mistake anymore, that's just total disregard for the law.

Donnelly weighed in with a somewhat odd comment:

"It's a fine line between political freedom of speech and there being an obnoxious number of signs," Donnelly said. "But the one with the most flagrant number of signs is Ted (DeSalvatore). There are others who are getting their signs picked up too. But some people crying because they can't do what they want, it's all part of the campaign."

You can almost feel him wanting to say "Ted's a dick, he should quit it with the sign bullshit already" but restraining himself from doing so. Good self-restraint!

Lisa Wong's also mentioned, here's her whole bit:

Lisa Wong, a third mayoral candidate, said her campaign has had some issues with vandalized signs, but she's focused more heavily on door-to-door campaigning than putting up signs.

"I don't want to comment on other candidacies because I'm focusing on my own," Wong said. "I think candidates need to talk about the issues and that's what I'm doing."

How negative! Oh wait, she's not. Sorry, Save Fitchburg mouthbreathers!

So yeah, that's that. Good thing there's no other news worth reporting. Thanks, Sentinel!