Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Focus on the Family's Gay Obama Fanfiction

Lately I've been taking a perverse pleasure in listening to conservative talk radio and skimming through conservative websites. Virtually everyone at this point realizes that McCain is about to go down in flames, and all the conservative nuts are going apoplectic over it.

Some approach it in a relatively sensible way, talking about what needs to be done to rebuild the conservative movement into something that isn't quite so ridiculously inept. Lucky for liberals like me, they're clueless about how to actually do it. Still, at least they're trying, bless their tiny lizard brains.

Others can't quite get to that level of acceptance and just spend their time ranting about how an Obama presidency will mean the end of the world. It's like talking to someone who's really drunk while you're perfectly sober. Entertaining for a little while, then mostly just sad and annoying.

Then there are yet others. Those who take it even beyond the ranting. Those like Focus on the Family, who actually write an hilarious sixteen-page pseudo-science fictiony letter from the future!

Specifically, it's from "A Christian from 2012." That scary future dystopia after one term of an Obama presidency!

It's totally obsessed with gayness, which is what makes it quite entertaining to me. There's a little bit in there about wars and guns and shit too, but it's about 60% about how scary the world will be when future Christian might not be allowed to discriminate against gay people.

Allow me to sum it up for you.

Obama will put liberals on the Supreme Court. They will say you're not allowed to discriminate against people based on their sexual orientation. This will eliminate our precious freedom of being assholes to gay people. Also, the Boy Scouts are disbanded and Iran nukes Israel! Exciting!

Some choice quotes:
Suddenly, homosexual “marriage” was the law of the land in all 50 states, and no state legislature, no state Supreme Court, no state Constitutional amendment, not even Congress, had any power to change it. The Supreme Court had ruled, and the discussion was over. This was a blatant example of creating law by the court, for homosexual “marriage” was mentioned nowhere in the Constitution, nor would any of the authors have imagined that same-sex “marriage” could be derived from their words.
Physicians who refuse to provide artificial insemination for lesbian couples now face significant fines or loss of their license to practice medicine... As a result, many Christian physicians have retired or left the practices of family medicine and obstetrics & gynecology. Lawyers who refuse to handle adoption cases for same-sex couples similarly now lose their licenses to practice law.
Church buildings are now considered a “public accommodation” by the Supreme Court, and churches have no freedom to refuse to allow their buildings to be used for wedding ceremonies for homosexual couples. If they refuse, they lose their tax-exempt status, and they are increasingly becoming subject to fines and antidiscrimination lawsuits.
A cruel vision of the future indeed! Nothing is more horrifying to your average American than the thought of a church losing its tax-exempt status!

I suspect this is just the first in a series. In the next installment, expect our intrepid future Christian to be trapped in a bathhouse by a roving gang of Obama-supporting sodomites. They'll force him to watch lavish Broadway musicals while tweezing his eyebrows, and maybe do some interior decorating.

Future Christian will struggle against this devious homosexual agenda as long as he can, until eventually even he has to give in and accept hot, hot gay sex the gay lifestyle. Which will be forced on him against his will, which he totally never spends time fantasizing about.

Never. Not once. Really.