Monday, October 27, 2008

The Horror of the Goatse Monkey!

Hello dear readers,

I'm all sorts of sick today, and the combination of cold medicine, exhaustion, and a little fever is not conducive to any sort of meaningful blogging. But I said I'd do a post every day for a month, and dammit I will! Just no politics for me today. I can only sustain so much abuse.

So, in keeping with the Halloween spirit, please allow me to introduce to you the terrifying dog toy that is known as a Crinkle Critter.

Sure, on the surface that thing only looks sort of creepy. Just a crappy monkey stuffed animal thing. Yeah, it's stylishly ugly, but not too bad.

The thing that makes this "fun" for a dog is that the creepy sock-monkey outside conceals a plastic bottle of some sort. So the dog chomps on it and it sounds like it's being horribly mauled. Ever watch a cat eat its prey? All the crunching and horribleness of little bones snapping? Be glad it's not a monkey.

This demonstration video only conveys a tiny part of the agony that is constantly hearing one's dog mauling this poor innocent monkey-creature.

video

Don't feel too bad for the monkey, though. It may be part of a secret conspiracy to pervert our pets!!!!!

Witness the instructions!


Remind you of anything?

Now, I don't know if the poor individual in the X-Ray above owned a "Crinkle Critter", but I'm willing to bet they did, and that's all the evidence you need in this day and age!

"Crinkle Critters" cause dangerous foreign body insertions!

Worse yet, they may have been the inspiration for the infamous Goatse guy. If you don't know who I'm talking about, I recommend against trying to find out. It won't be good.

Suffice it to say, the Goatse Monkey is not quite as bad. But still disturbing!



What kind of message is this dirty monkey dog toy sending to impressionable kids/pets? I don't know, but I bet it's a bad one!

Okay, I'm done. Going to go lie down now.